Sarah Everard went missing on the 3^rd March 2021 in Clapham, South London, on her way home from visiting a friend. She took the same precautions every woman is conditioned to take when walking alone – she was wearing brightly coloured clothing, walking on a main road, and talking on the phone with her boyfriend.

If you are a woman, you will be familiar with this routine. Do not go anywhere alone. You must tell someone where you are going. Never wear revealing clothing. Avoid walking anywhere after sundown. If you follow these unspoken rules, you will be ok.

Sarah followed the rules. Yet her remains were found in an area of woodland over a week later with a male police officer being charged for her murder.

The death of Sarah Everard has sparked an outcry from women across the UK on social media. Many have expressed fears for their own safety and shared their experiences of harassment, stalking and male violence. As a woman, I identify with Sarah. I often make the same calculations she did when walking alone. Much like Kate McCann, a political correspondent at Sky News, I have learned to keep my “keys gripped between fingers, map the corner shops we could duck into en route. Swap shoes for trainers in case we need to run. Keep music low or turned off,” as she said in this tweet.

As women, we are on constant high alert for our own safety. Which is why the “#NotAllMen” hashtag can be damaging for women living in an already frightening reality wherein our lives could be taken simply by making the journey home alone.

#NotAllMen is being used as a scapegoat to undermine the experiences of women with male violence that are very real and very valid. Singer Marina Diamandis tweeted on the matter, calling it an “avoidance tactic used by men who find it too "uncomfortable" to do the internal work required to address misogyny.”

Labour MP, Jess Phillips, listed the names of all women killed in the UK over the past year where a man has been convicted or charged in a speech to Parliament last week.

“Killed women are not vanishingly rare, killed women are common,” she told Parliament. Her speech was over five minutes long.

It is true that not all men are violent offenders. Not all men are a risk to a woman’s safety. However, statistically, 20% of women have experienced a form of sexual violence since the age of 16, and between 120 and 150 women and girls over the age of 14 are killed in male violence against women every year in the UK, according to Nia.

By raising the issue and asking for safer streets, women are not accusing every single man of being a criminal.  But how are women to know the difference on the side of a road after dark? If we stop treating everyone around us as perpetrators, the risk that we will be targeted by one of the men that does pose a threat skyrockets.

True, it is not all men. But many of the men who are a part of the problem have never even criminally offended.

To clarify for those confused, this means that it is the men who grope, grab and stare at women in public. It is the men who victim blame a woman for her sexual assault. Men who make rape jokes. Men who catcall women from cars. Men who do not understand consent. Men who think we are overreacting. Men who force themselves on women. Men who contribute to the narrative that women are objects. Men who turn a blind eye to another man’s violence. Men who do not see the problem.

It is not all men, but it is the men who dismiss this conversation by tweeting “#NotAllMen”.

It is the men who defend their manhood because they are more appalled by the issue being raised than the issue itself. It is the men who believe making small changes to how they approach and talk about women will not make a difference.

If you are reading this and grappling with yourself on how you can make a difference and show solidarity with women, I suggest joining the conversation regarding how you can be an ally to women in our current climate. This means intervening when you see a woman being harassed, calling out objectifying or discriminatory jokes, giving women space on public transport, not following them in the street, educating your friends/brothers/fathers/sons on how to act sensitively and on the meaning of consent, and most importantly listening with open ears when women tell you their truths.

Remember: silence is acceptance. Silence is approval.

If you are a man, and you are offended by any of the issues raised in this post, I will leave you with this thought: no, it is not all men. But it probably is you.

It may not be all men but is is all women.